It feels weird being back home for the holidays. I lay down in the once shared room with my now married sister; sifting through the half full closet bare with the few clothes I left at home. The honest truth is that I have changed so much since my Freshman year. Being back home leaves a bittersweet taste in my mouth from the comfort of home to the knowledge that this might be the last Christmas I spend with the family for a long while. Who knows if I might end up in a completely different country this time next year?
Either way, I’m home for now. And I can gush to my dad about all the classes I’m taking and what I’m learning from late night conversations. We had the drive back from Hanover discussing my grades, my political beliefs, the new friendships I’ve made, my analysis of myself and what kind of person I am. Yes papi, I see your point and I agree to a certain extent, but let me explain to you how the other side of your political views isn’t wrong either. Only different.
The answer doesn’t lie in the nostalgia, nor the fear of the unknown. The solution relies on my current behavior, how will I plan for the future now, how do I look back at my mistakes from the past and mold myself into my current me? I sit on my bed and look at the clothes and decorations from the few things I packed, knowing that I’m slowly preparing myself to travel light and get used to a space that isn’t my home.
Thus I ponder on my responsibilities as a senior on this Christmas break. A schedule is bound to occur where I will block an hour for LSAT practice, an hour for research and writing on the Richter grant I’m aiming for, an hour or two applying to jobs for the gap year I’m going to take before law school or grad school. An hour organizing and communicating with the groups from school on how I want the organizations to carry out events or set up meetings for my last winter term of my college career. But let’s not forget the hour of free time devoted to reading for pleasure and the couple hours I aim to devote in my yoga practice, learning to focus my energy on my breath and my body. Because in the end, all this planning leads to the goal of living life to the fullest.
Day one complete of my Christmas break catching up with the family real quick before plunging into an independent lifestyle tied to the consequences of my choices. Let’s keep this light, yea?